Saying Is Believing, and Other Reasons to Share

Psychology professor Gail Matthews decided it was time to test some of the frequently repeated goal-achievement truisms. She found that yes, writing your goals down dramatically improves your odds of achieving them—it makes them 42 percent more likely to happen! But telling somebody about your goals—especially if it’s somebody whose opinion matters to you—and asking them to hold you accountable makes accomplishing them even more likely. People in Matthews’s study who told a friend and then sent them regular progress reports scored their progress and accomplishments 25 percent higher than those who only wrote their goals down.

One reason this works is because of what psychologists call the “saying is believing” effect. When we say things out loud to other people, especially when our goal is to create a “shared reality,” it shifts our own perception of the things we say. We believe them more. Our participants experience this too—they’ve repeatedly told us that when they share their visions, the goals and outcomes become more “real.” As one person said, “It seemed like the more I shared about what I wanted and what I was doing, the more it propelled me to do what came next.” Yes, that’s exactly what happens.

When we share our visions, the people we share with often relate to our goals as a foregone conclusion. They nod their heads and say, “Right. Of course. That makes total sense.” They have faith that we’ll make it happen—often more faith than we do—and that helps us over- come limiting beliefs and feel more confident.

Sharing also gives us access to ideas and information we need to achieve our goals. One of our cognitive biases is to assume that other people know what we know, not that they might know something we don’t. Even when we’re going for something we aren’t sure how to achieve, we often don’t think to ask other people for advice. When we share our visions, though, people get enthused and start sharing strategies they’ve used to achieve similar things. Sometimes we learn the one thing that can make the biggest difference. 

Psychologists and sociologists have written much about the power of our social networks to influence our behavior and our ability to achieve goals. As human beings, we learn by observing, without even realizing it. If we’re intentional about it, we can use that innate habit to our advantage.

In How to Change, Katy Milkman describes a strategy she calls “copy and paste.” “When we’re unsure of ourselves,” Milkman writes, “a powerful way the people around us can help boost our capacity and confidence is by showing us what’s possible.” Even if they aren’t intentionally offering advice, they’re educating and informing our decisions just by letting us watch them work. The more we share our vision, the more likely it is that we’ll be connected to groups or networks of people who are doing the very thing we’re trying to do, so that we can copy and paste more.

As we’ve said, when we declare our visions, we’re putting ourselves on the hook for making them happen, and that creates fear. We’re afraid to be held accountable, especially for bold visions that we aren’t sure how to accomplish. What if we tell our boss we want to go for something and we don’t make it? What will they think about our abilities the next time an opportunity opens up?

Beyond fear of failing, though, we’re afraid of being vulnerable. We’re afraid of people’s judgment, and we’re even more afraid of their cynicism or skepticism. If people doubt us or our goals, or even the fundamental idea that change is possible, it might dim our enthusiasm and lessen our courage. We know that naysayers can suck the energy out of us. And what might we learn about other people and what they think of us that we didn’t necessarily want to?

Our discomfort with vulnerability also supports the habit of compartmentalizing ourselves. We present a “work self ” at work and our “true self ” or “other self” in our personal lives. Sharing your vision breaks that cycle and offers you an opportunity to bring your “whole self” to all aspects of your life, which leads to more authentic, meaningful, open relationships. Being more authentic at work (something that is difficult for close to 30 percent of people) boosts your job satisfaction and your performance.  

Excerpted from Fast Forward, copyright © 2023 by Wendy Leshgold and Lisa McCarthy. Reprinted with permission from Matt Holt Books, an imprint of BenBella Books, Inc. All rights reserved.

Wendy Leshgold and Lisa McCarthy are authors of the forthcoming book FAST FORWARD: 5 Power Principles to Create the Life You Want in Just One Year (Matt Holt Books, September 5, 2023). They are co-founders of the Fast Forward Group, a professional development and executive coaching company that has transformed the careers and lives of more than 100,000 professionals at leading companies around the world such as Amazon, Tik Tok, Google, JP Morgan Chase, Ford and more.

They have found that building a strong, sustainable coaching culture requires one overriding goal: empower people to fuel their own development and happiness, with the right support along the way.